Worst FoodA doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.  ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago——  Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.  Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’
DrunkA completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. 
A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal.  You’re obviously drunk.”
Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper.  “Let’s go.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness —— I thought I was crippled.”